DEATH TO THE FOOD BRINGER!

May 18, 2007

2007-05-18T13:26:00.000-07:00

I saw that damn Compromise Kitty playing with the computer yesterday. He must have seen me using it. I hope he doesn't get any ideas about starting a blog. That would be terrible. Unforgivable I tell you. Death to Compromise Kitty!!!!!!!!

In other news, yesterday was feed day. The food bringer offered the sacrificial mouse in his usual style. In other words dropping him into my lair. Because of my frustration with Compromise Kitty I took great joy in torturing the mouse. I showed the cat the proper way to dispatch a mouse.

I decided that the cat must be destroyed. I am working on a plan to escape and eat the cat. A good time will be had by all.

May 16, 2007

2007-05-16T13:50:00.000-07:00

Life was good for a while. The food bringer would feed me and I would try and bite him. All was right with the world. Then the most horrible thing happened. The food bringer brought something other than food home. The food bringer brought a CAT into the house.

During the day when the food bringer is gone the CAT sits outside my cage and looks at me. I sit on the warm rock and the evil cat just watches me. The cat watches me all day long. The cat is evil and must be destroyed. This I pledge here and now:

Compromise Kitty I will destroy you.

When that day comes, a good time will be had by all.

April 11, 2007

2007-04-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

This is a little poem I call Ode to the food bringer.

The food bringer looks funny
Sometimes he is wet
Sometimes he is dry
Sometimes he isn’t here at all

The food bringer sounds funny
Sometimes he is silent
Sometimes he is loud
Sometimes he laughs

The food bringer smells funny
Sometimes he smells like mouse
Sometimes he smells like cat
Sometimes he smells like dog

But most important of all
He always looks like food
He always sounds like food
He always smells like food

One day I will eat the food bringer.

And a good time will be had by all!

April 4, 2007

2007-04-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

April 4, 2007

I mentioned last time about the great injustice the food bringer was responsible for last time. After spending most of the day mad at the food bringer, I devised my plan. I was sitting on the warm rock when it came to me. I figured food day was coming soon. Food day would bring my revenge. When food day came it went like this.

The food bringer removed the lid and dropped in the sacrificial mouse. I tried to bite the food bringer just to keep up appearances. I didn’t want the food bringer to suspect I was up to something. The sacrificial mouse started running the moment he landed. Mouses are like that. I wanted the food bringer to witness what I had planned so I played with the sacrificial mouse until the food bringer was looking.

I stuck the mouse, landing my teeth directly in his neck. The food bringer looked on in horror as sacrificial mouse blood sprayed all over the new paper and against the walls. The food bringer looked at me in disgust. I smiled. After making a mess, I ate the sacrificial mouse. The sweet sweet taste of victory.

A good time was had by all.

April 2, 2007

2007-04-02T12:48:00.000-07:00

I HATE THE FOOD BRINGER! Let me tell you what the evil food bringer did this weekend. I was sitting on the warm rock. I like the warm rock, it is a rock and it is warm. The food bringer grabs me when I wasn’t looking. The filthy, smelly, sneaky food bringer pulled me out of my home. He held me below my head so I could not bite him.

What he did next was unforgivable. He started removing everything from my home. He removed the small lake and the warm rock. He removed my paper. He removed it all. I got him good though. As he was getting the last of the paper I wrapped around his arm. I wrapped around it and I squeezed. He yelled. I love the sound of the food bringer in pain.

The food bringer summoned more evil hands though to remove me. The food bringer finished removing my paper. A few minutes later he put me back in my home. The water was different and the warm rock was moved. The worse part though was that everything smelled different.

Next time food bringer I will bite you!

A good time was had by all.

March 27, 2007

2007-03-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

The food bringer was out of town for the last couple of days. He smelled different when he came back. I hate him for being gone, almost as much as I hate him when he is here. I hate the food bringer. I want to bite the food bringer. One day I will bite the food bringer.

I had a dream that I ate the food bringer. I liked the dream. It was nice. After I ate the food bringer in the dream, I sat on the warm rock. I like the warm rock.

Now that the food bringer is back; I can try and bite him again. I think the food bringer will be tasty and fill my belly for many days.

A good time was had by all.

March 22, 2007

2007-03-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

Today was not a food day. I did not get to bite, eat or kill anything today.

I sat on the warm rock and looked out the glass. I watched the food bringer. The food bringer smells funny. Sometimes he picks me up and holds me. I do not like this. I try and bite the food bringer. The food bringer is fast and hard to bite.

I thought about eating the food bringer. Fat I would be.

I spent about an hour planing my escape so I could eat the food bringer. I figured out a way to lift the lid. I picked where I would hide and wait for the food bringer.

Sadly I forgot all this five minutes later because I am a SNAKE.

A good time was had by all.

March 21, 2007

2007-03-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

The food bringer brought the sacrificial mouse early today. As usual I attempted to bite the food bringer. I was not successful, the food bringer is fast.

I was not hungry at that time, so I ignored the food. The food kept running around back and forth and hiding in the corner. I had to do something about this inappropriate behavior.

I bit the food and squeezed the life out of it. I opened my mouth and swallowed him whole. Later in the day I plan on laying on the warm rock.

A good time was had by all.